Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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