i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
