I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
