Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
