she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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