whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
