I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
