I accidentally burped into my bong.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
