Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
