I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
