When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
