these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
