i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to make out with him forever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
