You smell like a Billy Joel song
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
