I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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