Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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