remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
