He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you traded sex for a burrito?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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