dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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