she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
