He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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