My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
