I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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