so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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