he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
