also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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