I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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