Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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