I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
