I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
