He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
