so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
