420 ftw
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
