my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize