There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
