So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
