Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
