Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
