you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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