she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
