i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
