oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
