We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
