i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
