Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
