he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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