New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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