Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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