i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
NoShamevember. You game?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
