Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
