This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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