last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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