Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
