Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
