That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
