Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
