Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
