im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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