Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
