i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
