he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
