come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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