On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize