Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
