I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
