Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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