Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
