Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
