the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
