I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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