That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
