her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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