do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
