They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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