Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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