Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
