Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
