I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
