I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
