the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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