he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
