Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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