lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
