I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
